


A Fateful Meeting

by SleepyRanpoes



Series: 300 Euphemisms Too Many [1]
Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, Smut, a joke got out of hand, cowgo, i regret not publishing this to a private account, more than the regret i feel for writing this, this is gonna be a trilogy be warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-16 20:20:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16960833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepyRanpoes/pseuds/SleepyRanpoes
Summary: Ryuu brought his eyes back to Sougo’s, shining brightly like Thanos with unshed tears of anxiety, “I… I haven’t had my daily glass of milk today, Cowgo-kun. Could you help me fix that? I’m a growing boy after all… I need my calcium so I can grow big and strong… Will you allow me more of your sougurt?”





	A Fateful Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> yeah warning for heavy references to this dude who pretended to be Japanese in attempt at getting away with being an absolute asshole. "Watashi wa americanjin desu ka" means "I am american" apparently. and do you even know what "jin" means? It means "am". (rolls my mcfucken eyes)

Ryuu walked into the barn and dropped all of his uwus at the sight before him. A sleeping stranger, laying stark naked in a large pile of hay… possibly the most beautiful boy Ryuu had ever seen. A sweet face, the perfect image of peace in his slumber, cheeks flushed red from the cold and plump lips parted ever so slightly as he breathed. The strangers hair was an intriguing shade of lavender, so pale that it could easily be mistaken for white. Ryuu wanted to pet his hair, just to see if it was as soft as it looked, and gently pry out the bits of straw that had found themselves embedded in his locks, framing his slender face so cutely…

His throat ached from it’s tightness, and his heart burned in pain, and Ryuu had to remind himself to breathe again. Just how long had this boy been here? “H-hewwo?” Ryuu’s voice cracked embarrassingly as he spoke, making the word misspoken and foreign on his tongue. He cleared his throat and tried again, louder this time, “Hello?”

Bright eyes, the colour of Tinky Winky from Teletubbies, slowly blinked awake in front of him, hazy and unfocused, “hn?” Ryuu watched, entranced by this beautiful stranger as he delicately sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He blinked twice as his eyes finally appeared to focus as he realised where he was, body freezing tensely as those Barney coloured eyes widened, looking up. They were so much more beautiful when they were looking into his own pair of liquid ~~piss~~  gold ocular orbs. His lips began to tremble and his eyes, so big and coloured like an eggplant emoji, began to shine with unshed tears, “b-b- _ _boku wa gomen’nasaijin desu ka__!!” He practically shouted, bowing so low that his nose was practically touching the ground.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Ryuu tried to reassure, as he knelt down in front of the boy, resting one of his big yaoi hands on his shoulder, “I’m Tsunashi Ryunosuke, are you lost?”

The boy peered up at him through his long eyelashes… incredibly long lashes like three whole centimeters in length… “Tsu-Tsunashi-san,” he tested the name on his tongue, mouth curling thoughtfully, “Tsunashi-san,” he repeated, sounding more sure of himself, “I am Ousaka Sougo. I’m not lost but… I was supposed to have left before sunrise, but I seem to have overslept… I’m terribly sorry for intruding…”

Ousaka Sougo!! A name so beautiful that it left Ryuu breathless for a few moments, the tips of his fingers tingling with an unfamiliar, but not unpleasant, feeling.

“You could have knocked on the door to our main house you know,” Ryuu said gently, bringing his hand to Sougo’s jaw. If Ryuu hadn’t have dropped his uwus when he first walked into the barn, he surely would have dropped them all in that moment. Sougo licked his lips nervously, and the action made Ryuu’s body feel warm. He tore his eyes from those thicc red lips, breath stuttering, “we wouldn’t have turned you away.”

“I couldn’t possibly have… I don’t want to be a nuisance…”

Ryuu blanched at the thought that such an angelic being could ever possibly be considered a nuisance. “If there’s anything I could -” he stopped mid sentence, as he caught sight of Sougo’s chest, “Sougo-kun,” he exclaimed, worried, “your boppies!” Sougo’s eyes widened and his cheeks flushed, mouth gaping, startled, as Ryuu brought his hand to cup Sougo’s jello molds, “they’re so swollen… and your submarine periscopes, too… they look so tender… you must be in agony…”

“Tsunashi-san…” Sougo breathed, eyes clenched shut and brows pulled together in pain, “Please…”

Ryuu drew his hand away, and felt at his pockets, hoping that he would magically find some form of cream or lubricant on him that could help this poor stranger out. Unfortunately, he could not find what he knew he did not have. Though… there was one thing… “Sougo-kun, will you allow me to help ease you of your burdens?”

His eyes, like Randall Boggs’ scales, fluttered open once more, expression caught in a wince, “I couldn’t ask so much of you, Tsunashi-san…”

“That’s why I was the one who extended the offer, Sougo-kin…” Ryuu breathed breathlessly in response, “I want to be able to do this this for you… If you’ll allow it…”

After a few moments, the Dora the Explorer’s Backpack eyed boy finally nodded, and Ryuu felt a shiver of excitement shoot down his collection of back bones. Slowly, as to not scare Sougo off, Ryuu brought his lips down to those plump pink suckle saucers protruding from his pale flesh balloons, and delicately caught one in his mouth cave. The pale haired boy stuttered out a moan, the sound akin to, but much sexier than, a whale giving birth, and the noise went straight to Ryuu’s 100% All-Beef Thermometer. Careful of the pearls in his mouth (teeth) he gave a very gentle succ, swirling his mouth slug around the flesh coloured dehydrated pea to make it nice and wet, before pulling away with an audible ‘pop’.

“O-oh no, my gurt!” Sougo looked panicked, and Ryuu drew back more in confusion.

“Sougo-kun?” a concerned Ryuu asked in concern, resting his hands on Sougo’s shoulders in attempt to calm him.

Those orbs, the same colour as the underside of Ursula’s tentacles, still wouldn’t look into Ryuu’s own minion coloured ocular globes. “M-my gurt,” Sougo said, distressed, “I spurted my gurt and now it’s all over you…”

Ryuu looked down at himself, and sure enough he was stained white with an obscene amount of Sougo’s wormgob, thick and glistening. “Sougurt…” he muttered to himself, swiping his thumb across his shirt, now soaked, to feel the gooey texture of Sougo’s youth elixir. He wanted to taste Sougo… he swiped his tongue across his thumb, and hummed at the taste. It tasted like… milk…

It was unexpected, what with how human Sougo looked, but Ryuu couldn’t say he was entirely stricken by this fact. Though often kept away behind closed doors, humans that had been crossed with cows weren’t all that uncommon; just another way the government was trying to push their milk propaganda by bringing it into sexual dynamics. Cow hybrids didn’t tend to be all that hard to tell apart from humans, what with their floppy cow ears, nubby little horns and long bovine tail. But Sougo seemed to be an enigma all on his own, lacking all of these features… not to mention that all this milk hadn’t come from the sensitive chest raisins perched atop his swollen chicken breast fillets, but directly from his bottle rocket.

Oh that did remind him… Ryuu brought his eyes back to Sougo’s, shining brightly like Thanos with unshed tears of anxiety, “I… I haven’t had my daily glass of milk today, Cowgo-kun. Could you help me fix that? I’m a growing boy after all… I need my calcium so I can grow big and strong… Will you allow me more of your sougurt?”

Sougo flushed at his words, but seemed to preen under all of the attention, “Do you really mean that? Do you really want my liquid silk, Tsunashi-san?” Ryuu nodded earnestly, having to refrain from thirstily sucking all of the white sauce from the material of his shirt. It was certainly the best milk he’d ever had in his life, and so fresh… he craved more… he craved it direct from the source, but he would never do that without explicit permission! Sougo shyly hummed with a shy hum, chewing at his plush bottom lip, and wringing his hands together. Those beautiful McDonald’s Grimace eyeballs glancing up at him from under those luxurious lashes, “if it’s for you, Tsunashi-san… then you can have as much as you want… all of my unchurned butter is yours… But… Tsunashi-san… I would like to do something for you too… if you’ll allow it…”

Ryuu thought that the pleasure of having Sougo’s jailhouse confetti was more than enough for him, but if the offer was there, then…?

Ryuu tore his shirt from his body, and grabbed Sougo’s hands between his own to guide them to his whopping hard cantaloupes, “Sougo-kun,” he said seriously, “I want you to smack my tater tots like you’re playing a pair of bongos!”

Twilight Sparkle eyes sparkled up at Ryuu, and Sougo’s thick flat worm slithered past his plump red slips, moistening them nervously. When the worm retreated back into it’s home, Sougo finally spoke, voice trembling with need, “it would be an honour, Tsunashi-san… I’ve always wanted to play the bongos…” At the word bongos, Sougo’s hands tightened subconsciously, fingers brushing against Ryuu’s mipple - much too masculine and manly to be called a ‘nipple’ or anything related - and Ryuu shivered. His cattle prod throbbing at the attention.

“Pwease,” Ryuu moaned huskily, voice breaking awkwardly in his horniness, finger sausages tightening their grip on Sougo, “play them like your life depends on it,” and if he was being honest, it very well probably did. Ryuu felt like he was going to die, surely Sougo had to feel the same way.

Sougo didn’t waste a moment as soon as Ryuu freed him from his grasp, hands pounding away at Ryuu’s meat melons in a steady rhythm, like he was playing to a song only he knew the beat to. His eyes, the same colour as Walugi’s hat, kept flickering to Ryuu’s, the same colour as Wario’s hat. It was like they were a match made in heaven… God, Ryuu didn’t think his pork sword had ever been so painfully hard.

“S-Sougo-kin,” Ryuu panted as the pressure mounted, just at how well Sougo was playing his bazongas. He couldn’t keep up, but Sougo kept playing the unheard music, the __smack smack smack__  of flesh on flesh only turning Ryuu on more.

Ryuu surged forward, trying to focus himself back onto the task at hand, as he surged forward to capture Sougo’s still dry smuggled peanut between his lips, as he used his phalanges to give the other nosh nozzle all of the attention it deserved. Sougo stuttered in his titty smacking rhythm, moaning as he struggled to readjust to the change. Ryuu huffed a moan as he shifted positions, straddling Sougo’s smaller body between his thighs, gently urging him to lay back on the hay, using his free hand to cup his warm cheek.

Ryuu finally parted from Sougo’s puffy pokies, to kiss up Sougo’s neck, sliding a hand down his silky soft body, until it found it’s way to his love dart. Ryuu moaned into Sougo’s throat as his big yaoi hand swallowed Sougo’s power drill without hesitation. Like a pelican patiently holding onto it’s meal, he couldn’t wait to swallow Sougo whole.

“I love these bongos,” Sougo mewled into Ryuu’s ears, strained as he arched his back upwards, their naked stomachs touching and sticking together with the high fructose porn syrup that had yet to be cleaned up from when Sougo last exploded, “boku wa daisuki bongojin desu ka,” he panted.

“k-kimi wa,” Ryuu forced out, whole body burning as he followed Sougo back down, pressing their bodies closer together, and trapping Sougo’s hands between the two of them so he could no longer play the bongos, “kimi wa so good at japanesejin desu ka,” he praised, kissing at the under of his jaw.

Sougo mooed, sounding quite beautifully pathetic in his neediness, and Ryuu moaned at the sound. Kissing lower and lower, pausing momentarily to kiss both delicate little flowers blooming out of Sougo’s chest, Ryuu was encouraged by the whining moos escaping from Sougo’s raw throat. “You’re so good,” he complimented against his smooth skin, slick with erectoplasm, still kissing lower and lower until he was at his navel.

Ryuu could feel Sougo’s boneless beef twitching at his cheek, and he nuzzled into the soft light fur of Sougo’s pubic hair. He inhaled deeply, feeling the hairs tickle against his nostrils making him want to sneeze, but he just buried his nose deeper into the warm nest. His pubs were surprisingly soft, and not coarse at all; the silkiness reminiscent of a fluffy rabbit in spring. He ran his fingers along the side of Sougo’s pogo stick, feeling the way it trembled under his touch. If Sougo had played Ryuu’s powerful brick honkers like a bongo, then Ryuu wanted to play Sougo’s bald-pate friar like a flute.

He pulled back, heart clenching at the sound of Sougo’s desperate whine, to look into Sougo’s glazed over eyes earnestly, “I know I’ve only known you for ten minutes, Sougo-kun, but I feel like I have been waiting for this moment for an entire lifetime… To prey on your cute and delectable wonder worm, I am truly the luckiest man alive… Itadakimasu…”

Sougo tilted his head in lust hazed confused, “itadakimasu?”

“Sorry,” Ryuu’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment at the slip up, “ore wa itadakimasujin desu ka.”

“Oh!” Sougo exclaimed, before it turned into a much more erotically moaned “o-oh,” as Ryuu swallowed his pale pink screwdriver in a single swooping gulp. Ryuu groaned hornily around the weight in his warm wet cave. “Tsunashi-san,” Sougo squeaked with need as Ryuu swallowed more of his pepper mill until the tip hit the back of his throat, and further still until his nose was buried in the sweet musk of his pied pipers hair cut, “Tsunashi-san, Tsunashi-san please.”

Ryuu got to work immediately, bobbing his head and making obscene sounds as he sucked down Sougo’s gospel-pipe, much like his friend Gaku was prone to sucking down Soba Noodles. Sougo’s fingers found their way into Ryuu’s hair, and he tugged at the hair’s roughly as though trying to ground himself, writhing under Ryuu’s touch.

With his hands on either side of Sougo’s bare thighs, Ryuu spread them as far as he could while still being sure that they wouldn’t shift from pleasured pain to just uncomfortable pain, grunting with need as Sougo let out a desperate moo. But Ryuu was growing frustrated as he continued sucking forcefully on the geoduck, heavy against the moveable muscle at the bottom of his mouth. He pulled back all of a sudden so that only the head of his DNA rifle was sitting against his lips, Sougo choking back a sob at the loss of warmth, “I need your jack-in-the-box to pop, Sougo-kun,” Ryuu forced out, voice rough from all of the abuse. He licked a thick wet stripe up the Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon in front of him, like a slug leaving behind a trail of slime. “I’m a thirsty little flower, Sougo-kun… You need to water me; you need to use your sougurt,” He said in a low, husky voice, diving back down on Sougo, and hoping that this was good practice for keeping up with Gaku’s soba eating abilities.

Sougo’s thighs struggled against the grasp of his big seme hands, clearly attempting to tighten and clamp around Ryuu’s head, smothering him in his flesh. But Ryuu was determined that he wasn’t going to allow himself to suffocate between Sougo’s beautiful thighs until he finally got his milk, so he simply sucked harder and tightened his grip on his legs, sure that beautiful bruises would be left behind.

“I want to, Tsunashi-san,” Sougo moaned loudly, “I want to water you with my sougurt,”

Ryuu pulled back once more, slower this time, “Water me, Sougo-kun,” and water him, Sougo did.

Ryuu had only just managed to wrap his lips around Sougo’s torch of Cupid in time for the stream of magic milk that came bursting out. If he thought there was a lot of protein shake the last time Sougo creamed himself, there definitely seemed to be a lot more this time, as he practically choked on the seemingly endless supply of snake spray. It filled his mouth up and leaked out as he couldn’t swallow it fast enough as his mouth was filling at incredible speeds.

Ryuu finally had to draw back, coughing as salad dressing dripped from his nostrils, and a final coat of white ribbon decorated his face.

Sougo’s Share Bear eyes looked hazy and confused, sleepily peering at Ryuu before he blinked a few times, before suddenly jerking in panic, “Tsu-Tsunashi-san, I’m so sorry! If you have a knife, please hand it over to me so that I may give you my pinkie as apology!”

Ryuu surged up to finally press his lips to Sougo’s, not minding all of the white gold that was smearing onto the other male, and ensnaring him in a deep milky kiss. Sougo relaxed and moaned into the kiss, as Ryuu licked into his mouth, sharing the milky spoils. Quickly their tongues danced in a messy battle of dominance, like two soldiers sent to war with everything to lose. Ryuu’s tongue surged forward, a husband with a pregnant wife waiting back home for his safe return, but Sougo’s tongue wasn’t one to back down; two young kids, old enough to have spoken their first words, but still too young to stay on their feet for too long.

A stalemate…. Ryuu drew back, resting his forehead against Sougo’s, sweaty and slick with nut nectar.

“You were so good, Sougo-kin,” Ryuu reassured him with gentle breathy praise, leaving a quick, sticky kiss on the lips, before nuzzling into the crook of Sougo’s neck, exhausted but still painfully hard in his jeans. “Sougo-kun, that was amazing, thank you for allowing me some of your sweet juice, it’s the most delicious milk I’ve ever had.”

He felt Sougo rest his cheek atop his head, nuzzling in return, panting breathlessly, as he reached up to stroke at his hair, “I’m so happy, Tsunashi-san… that you would like my milk so much to praise me in such a way… that Tsunashi-san would even give me so much attention. I’ve been spoiled…” Sougo hummed lightly, a beautiful sound, “but please, if you could allow me to return the favour… Your tinkle tube can’t be comfortable in those pants of yours… if you could just stay with me like this, I could help your weasel pop.”

Ryuu kissed at Sougo’s neck lightly, “you don’t owe me any favour, Sougo-kun, I promise you; I’m just very happy that you would allow me this time with you.” Besides, his father had told him time and time again, that real men set their partner’s nether region’s on fire a minimum of three times before they even thought about serving themselves, and Ryuu doubted he could wait for Sougo to release his gurt once more before he creamed his own pants.

“Hn…” Sougo’s voice sounded so far away, “To think that Tsunashi-san gets his blood engorged mayonnaise cannon all to himself… I’m jealous….”

Ryuu pulled back, “Jealous?”

“I had hoped to grasp Tsunashi-san’s tunnel ferret much like he gently cradled my supple and succulent sand dunes earlier…” Sougo sighed, the clear disappointment tugged at Ryuu’s heart strings.

“Your nubbies __are__ quite supple and succulent aren’t they,” Ryuu agreed, feeling himself giving in to Sougo’s desires. But, it wasn’t like there was any possibility of him putting up much of a fight anyway. If it was Sougo, then there was nothing Ryuu wouldn’t do for him. “I want Sougo-kun to be happy, and if my worm in a roll-neck pullover is what it takes? Then it’s Sougo-kun’s…”

Sougo’s beetroot (I N G R E D I E N C E) orbs shined into Ryuu’s own, the same shade of The Simpsons’ skin, he looked awed, “Tsunashi-san’s yogurt blasting wrinklebeast….. all for me…?” Ryuu nodded earnestly, as answer, and Sougo leaned forward to kiss him sweetly. “Tsunashi-san… I am very happy…”

Sougo’s hands were feather light and gentle as they trailed down Ryuu’s sides, until he reached the hem of his jeans. He kept going back and forth between leaving ghosts of kisses on Ryuu’s lips, and leaning back to watch Ryuu’s face and expressions as if seeking approval, as if this was really okay. Ryuu smiled as supportive and comforting as he could, trying to reassure him.

“Tsunashi-san,” he whispered against his lips, as he worked the zipper, to finally release Ryuu’s baguette from the confines of his pants. At first touch, so light as if he were afraid of hurting him, Sougo seemed to jolt in shock, roughly jerking away from Ryuu as he pushed him back by the shoulders to take a look at his veiny bangstick. “Tsunashi-san,” Sougo gasped, sounding absolutely scandalized, “Tsunashi-san you’re so big! Uwaaaa, there’s no way I could wrap both of my uke hands around such a big stick of beef!!”

Ryuu looked down, where, sure enough, Ryuu’s staff of life swamped poor Sougo’s little uke hands. He flushed in embarrassment, about to tell Sougo that it was really okay, and he didn’t need to find relief right now, he could work it out himself later, but Sougo had a very determined look on his face, and Ryuu’s chest burned at the fact that so much attention was on his squinty blowpop.

Sougo attempted grasping at his girth again, hold tight as he tried to wrap his fingers around it in it’s entirety to no avail. Ryuu choked back a moan as Sougo no longer held back or was gentle like he was to begin with, trying to stuff all of Ryuu’s meat between the palms of his hot hands, so hot, so hot… Ryuu struggled to centre himself so he didn’t blast then and there. Sougo leaned forward to blow a breath of hot air on Ryuu’s smurf house, and all attempt at not blowing his load failed, as it came out all at once with a stuttered cry.

“Oh…” Sougo said, still holding onto Ryuu’s limpening presidential podium, as he looked up into his eyes, face coated in erection-correction fluid. He looked like a right mess, but he was beautiful, so beautiful. Sougo licked at the salted caramel drizzling from his lips, and made a face at it. “It’s salty…”

Ryuu fell forward into Sougo’s chest, ashamed at the fact that he had broke the three before one rule he’d been taught, but refused to let the tears of shame fall, as he nuzzled into Sougo’s body. “I’m sorry…” he uttered, “that my Tsugurt isn’t as sweet as yours…”

Sougo readjusted his position, laying back in the hay, as he held Ryuu to his chest, comforting. “It’s okay, Tsunashi-san,” he said, petting at Ryuu’s hair, “I’ve never been one for sweet things anyway.”

Spent, Ryuu could feel himself drifting off, and he tightened his hold on the Amethyst (the character) eyed boy, as quiet anxiety began to claw it’s way into his chest. “Promise me you won’t leave, Sougo-kun?”

“I’ll stay with you for as long as you’ll have me, Tsunashi-san.” 

**Author's Note:**

> yes this was written by a real life person. its debatable as to whether im okay or not. hit me up on twitter ig lol [sleepyranpoes](https://twitter.com/sleepyranpoes)


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